What does this mean?
After years of taking care of female patients, sympathizing with friends, and experiencing high stress levels personally, I realized it is our own minds stressing us out.
Once we learn to let go of things we can’t control, stop caring what others think of us, and start prioritizing our own needs/wants, we are able to conquer anything and everything.
For those of you in a relationship with a male partner, have you ever asked them a question and gotten a blank stare? Something simple like, ‘Do you need anything from the store?’ How do they not know what they need from the store?!? I have 17 different lists in my head right now – one for the grocery store, one for work, one for the upcoming holiday, one for the home improvement store, one for today’s To-Do-List, one for yard work, etc.
It wasn’t until I was in a long-term relationship that I realized men’s minds just work differently than ours. Much differently.
For example, say there is a disagreement in the workplace. Men can be going at each other’s throats and an hour later be at the golf course together with no hard feelings whatsoever. Women have a disagreement in the workplace and don’t speak to each other for weeks. Even think back to high school, I’m sure there was a time you decided you hated a female classmate– maybe she had the shoes you wanted, maybe she liked the same boy you did, maybe she simply didn’t see you when you waved to her and you interpreted it as she purposely didn’t wave back because she hates you so now you have to hate her back.
As women, we interpret things differently. And each interpretation is most likely overthought and replayed multiple times prior to us landing on our interpretation. By the time we have our interpretation, we have put so many twists and spins on it that we aren’t even sure if it makes sense, but we will stick to it anyway.
One of the lessons I learned that lifted weight off my shoulders was to stop trying to make people like me. I heard an example of walking into a room with 10 strangers… instantly five people might dislike you and five people might like you. It only takes a split second to make that first judgement.
Maybe two people think you remind them of their sister – one might consider their sister to be their best friend and the other person might have a complicated relationship with their sister. Maybe you have the same name as someone’s mother, again that could go either way. Maybe you are too thin or too heavy or too short or too tall. Maybe someone is simply having a bad day and the last thing they want to do is socialize. These opinions have already been formed before you even said ‘Hello.’
And to be fair, think about the last time you were introduced to someone new – what were your first opinions/observations? Did you allow yourself to try and get to know this person? If so, did you give them a fair chance to change or confirm your initial impressions?
I believe women can often be the first to judge a book by its cover. But when you learn that you can’t change someone else’s impression of you, it does lift the weight off your shoulders. By the time we are in our mid 30’s/early 40’s we tell ourselves we care less about what people think of us.
But most of us are trying to convince ourselves that we care less without learning to care less.
Once we learn how to care less about others’ opinions, we can move forward and focus on more important things. I learned that it’s okay if someone doesn’t like me. It’s okay if I’m not the right fit. I don’t have to spend 30 minutes trying to convince someone to like me.
The Conquering The Female Brain Course (currently under construction, but hopefully available soon!) will go over the above concepts and so many more to help us prioritize and focus on our priorities and learn to let the other stuff go. The course also introduces concepts that will allow us to approach and understand relationships differently – another game changer.
One of the biggest points I can stress is YOU ARE NOT ALONE! All women are dealing with insecurities, relationship issues, stress, overwhelm, imbalanced work/life scenarios, superwomen complexes, etc.
The Conquering The Female Brain Course will break down our day to day lives and introduce concepts/lessons that will allow you to feel the weight lifting off of your shoulders as you become a better version of yourself.
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